It's been a while since my last update. I'm finding that it is getting even more difficult to stay in touch with family and friends from Colorado. This time difference and the 3,000 + miles between us creates a challenge. I suppose my complaints are of no value to any of my readers. So all two of you, will just have to listen to my unfounded rants.
Here's a year in review:
January- Jan 3, Zach took on a new position as an Associate Pastor at New Hope Metro. Opa & Lala (my inlaws) followed us to Honolulu and got here in time to celebrate Metro's one year anniversary! February- Zach shaved his head in honor of Pastor Elwin's battle with cancer to raise awareness for the St. Baldrick's Foundation. Thank you Jesus for healing Pastor Elwin! March- Zach's hair eventually grew back, except it was a different color (only kidding...or am I?). Abi learned to ride her bike for the first time without training wheels! Zach and I attended the HIM conference, it was life changing! April- April 7th, Zekey turned 5! We had a pirate themed party at the beach with a real life treasure hunt! April 30th, Zach turned 34! Also had a party at the beach...someone forgot to tell Zach it wasn't pirate themed. Oops! May- Abi got a Super Citizen award at Royal Elementary School! I graduated from UNC and Zach graduated from Aims. We returned to Colorado for a short week for the commencement and celebrations! It was nice to see friends and family again but the green chili...YUM!!! June- I attended the BLOOM conference (an amazing conference for young women, you'll hear more about my involvement in this next year). I also started co-leading a young ladies Connect Group (small group for high school and college girls). June, 28th, Zach and I celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary!! TEN years, can you believe it? July- July 7, I turned 32 and preached my first sermon at Metro! July 14th, my sister (actually my closest cousin), Sacha, got married to UFC fighter Chris Camozzi right here in Oahu on the North Shore!! We had a visit from: My mom (actual mom), Paul and Mary (my brother and sister in law), My Aunt Pat and Uncle John, Sacha (my sister) and Chris (her husband), Bella (my niece), Clint (my cousin), and My Aunt Jeanette! August- Zekey started kindergarten! Mommy spent the mornings crying and the afternoons watching soap operas while eating bon-bons with her hair in rollers. Okay, only part of that statement is true, but I'm not saying which one is. September- Zach and I went to Oasis (an inspiring young adult camp). Afterward, we helped Pastor Brandon start Fuse Metro (our young adult ministry at Metro). One focuses of this ministry is to have monthly worship nights which has been right up Zach's alley! October- Zach joined a church volleyball league with others from Metro. Their team "The Super Slammers" got slammed but were good sports in the process (no pun intended on either statement). Pastor Brandon, Zach and I led a co-ed study based on a book called, "The Emotionally Healthy Church." It was a time of reflection, healing and soul searching for everyone! October 26, we said, "Aloha" to Aloha Tower for the last time as New Hope Metro changed locations! November- We kicked off our first Sunday at our new church location without a hitch (Thank you Jesus)! Abi got her 2nd Super Citizen Award from Royal School! November 13th, Abi turned 8! We also got a surprise visit from Uncle Travis (Zach's brother), Auntie Melissa, Sheinah, Amaris and the newest addition to the Bumgardner family, beautiful baby Raenen! December- is to be determined. Half way in and the calendar is filling up with Christmas parties, gatherings and services but one thing that comes to mind is...seasons.
Life is really just a slew of seasons strung together to teach us lessons and develop character in us. Some are up, some down. In the end, we must make the most of what we've been given, and remain faithful to the calling and purpose in each of our lives!
If you find yourself discouraged or overwhelmed by the busyness of the holidays, take heart. Be encouraged knowing that this is only a season. Tis the season to be... What was it again? Oh yeah, hehe, jawry!
I am discovering that things are a lot easier said than done in God's economy. It is easy to celebrate in the your achievements, successes and victories but what about the times of failure, disappointment and loss. I write this blog, broken. Brokenhearted over the loss of my dog, Chancho. I guess we initially lost him eleven months ago when we left Colorado. Yet, grieving is a funny thing. It comes in the most unexpected ways and under the most unexpected circumstances.
Chancho "the Chick magnet" Bumgardner
I can remember getting so upset with Chancho for the two years we had him before we moved, for silly things, like making messes with paper towels, getting into the hamper or having "accidents" on our what used to be white carpet. I can also remember the joy he brought to my children when they'd roll around on the floor, feed him popcorn (yes, that was his favorite treat) or take him to play fetch. Chancho was a fun and loving dog to have around. In fact, most people who came to visit us would comment on how loving Chancho was or how they wished they could keep him.
Um...Yeah, Chancho needed support!
When we moved to Hawaii, we knew that we could not bring him with us for several reasons. First, the quarantine process would be too much for him and we moved on such short notice that this process wouldn't have been completed in time. Second, having been property managers before, we understood that finding a place that allowed pets was difficult and costly. Third, we knew that the quality of life he'd have cooped up in an apartment all day wasn't the kind of life we wanted him to have. So the bidding war began among friends who wanted to adopt Chancho. He ended up with a loving family who are good friends of ours. We knew this family would care for him as their own and would provide the life that he needed.
Chancho was convinced that Zekey was a pup, Zekey was convinced that Chancho was his younger brother
Yesterday, (Halloween morning) Chancho left us for the last time. Chancho got hit by a car and could not recover. So, now all we have left of him is our memories. Life is hard sometimes. I am sitting here wondering what would be the most appropriate way to announce this loss to my children. I just don't know. I don't know if losing him twice is something they can handle. This is one of those parenting moments that you wish they had a handbook for. I know that The Lord has entrusted us with them and yet sometimes I feel so unqualified to lead them and teach them. In moments like this, I want to shield them from grief but I know that the greater injustice would happen by not being honest with them. So I sit, I wait for the right moment to announce the bad news. I pray for their tender hearts and sweet spirits to be lifted by the good memories of Chancho. I know that loving them is the best comfort I can provide. So when I read this blog to them today, (during our after school cuddle time), we will laugh, we will cry, and we will remember our beloved dog, Chancho!
In premarital counseling classes or in conversations, couples will often ask what our secret is to staying "happily" married. First off, there is no such thing as "happily ever after." Dream killer, I know. Zach and I have been married for ten years now and although we are in no way experts on the subject, we've learned a few things about resolving conflict. These are rules that we've come up with through trial and error on how to fight fair. So we compiled a list that might be helpful to you if or when you find yourself in said conflict. It's called the, "Never Don't Validate Time Rule (spoken in your thickest southern accent)" or NDVTR for short. Ingeniously named by Zach who used the first word from each phrase (feel free to rename it). 1. Never say never! Avoid words like always, never, divorce or retarded (because it's offensive). In the words of Justin Beiber, "I will never say never....I will fight till forever." No, I do not have Beiber Fever but I believe there's power in your words. "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit-you choose (Proverbs 18:21 MSG)." Call me crazy but I would choose fruit over poison any day of the week and twice on Sunday. By avoiding words that kill, you are creating healthy habits for resolving conflict.
2. Don't fight below the belt!Don't address things you cannot change (height, gender, race, culture, heritage, etc.) Comparing the other person to someone else is unfair. Don't get caught up in phrases like, "you're just like your father" or "you're only saying that because you are _______ (adjective)." "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire (Proverbs 15:1 MSG). When you use your words to add fuel to the fire, you're fighting below the belt, and this automatically disqualifies you from winning the argument.
3. Validate the other person's feelings. Feelings are fleeting, but by validating their feelings, you are saying, I respect your opinion even though I disagree with it. You can do this by saying things like, "so what you're saying is..." or "to recap on what you just said...". "Hot Tempers start fights; a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace (Proverbs 15:18 MSG)." You disarm and diffuse their argument by keeping calm and finding peaceful resolutions.
4. Time heals all! Give the other person time to process but never go to bed mad. Sleeping on the couch isn't cool after college. Period. Ephesians 4:26-27, "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry-but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life." The quickest way to end an argument is by saying two simple words: "I'M SORRY!"
5. Rule of best intentions. Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Conflict is a direct result of concern. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't argue about it. However, by giving the other person the benefit of the doubt you're not making any assumptions about their intentions. "...everyone should listen much and speak little. He should be slow to become angry. A man's anger does not allow him to be right with God (James 1:19-20)." Listening much and speaking little, is so foreign to our modern day culture but we must resist the urge to be right. My husband always says, "you can be right or you can be happy but you can't be both!" (Maybe that's why he's always so happy!) When we are slow to anger, we are doing our best to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I'd rather be right with God than be "right" alone.
Building healthy relationships takes time and effort (from both parties) but if you are willing to apply these simple rules you might just find your "happily ever after!" Let the fighting begin!
Do you have a Facebook account? If so, how often do you check it?
A few weeks ago our church did a corporate fast as we sought the Lord's direction for us in this new season. You could fast from food, things or activities. The first few days I fasted meals but decided to up the ante and fast from Facebook for a week. This was quite possibly the longest and surprisingly the most productive week I've had in a long time. If you're like me, you do have a Facebook account and you check it quite frequently (multiple times, daily). The problem is that they have an app for your phone so you get notifications every time someone "tags" you in a post or when they comment on something you've posted (ain't nobody got time fo dat!). Which is great for keeping in touch with long distance friends and family, not so much for everyday productivity.
I was reading my devotions recently and came across this verse: Exodus 3:6b, "Moses hid his face, afraid to look at God." This is how we know Moses didn't have a Facebook account. All joking aside, why do you suppose he was afraid. If we read a few chapters earlier we learn his history. We discover some possible reasons why he hid his face. I've compiled a list in Dave Letterman form, drum roll please....
Top Ten Reasons why Moses hid his face:
10. He saw a burning bush (which wasn’t consumed).
9. He saw a “talking”
burning bush (ooh wee, cookooie).
8. He had a severely disfigured face (totally joking).
7.He was afraid of what God would say to him.
6.He didn’t want to go back
to Egypt (or confront his past).
5. He was ashamed because of
his past (his past kept him paralyzed).
4. He felt unworthy.
3. He felt disqualified because he stuttered (no wonder I like him).
2. He was an outlaw.
1. He’d
forgotten or was unsure of who he really was.
As you read that list, if you're like me, you could probably relate to at least half of those excuses, I mean "reasons." Exodus 3:11, 'Moses answered God, "But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?' When we look at Moses' life at the time of this miraculous encounter with God, we find out that not only did he flee from Egypt because he murdered a guy but now he's herding sheep on the "backside of the desert" for his father in law Jethro. This is not exactly the type of leader you and I would have chosen. If he was running for office today, we would not pick him as our next president. He's not the type of guy we want leading an entire nation. This is exactly why God chose him. And continues to choose people like you and I today.
1
Corinthians 1:26-31
Take a good look, friends, at who you were when
you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best”
among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it
obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks
and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions
of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with
blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and
right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus
Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a
trumpet for God.”
What this scripture is NOT saying is: "time to take up trumpet lessons." Or "hey, you should join a jazz band!" What it's saying is if you want to boast in anything boast in God. I'm reading a book about spiritual leadership and here's an excerpt that is applicable.
Once Saint Francis of Assisi was confronted by a brother who asked him repeatedly, "Why you? Why you?" Francis responded, in today's terms, "Why me what?" "Why does everyone want to see you? Hear you? Obey you? You are not all so handsome, nor learned, nor from a noble family. Yet the world seems to want to follow you," the brother said. Then Francis raise his eyes to heaven, knelt in praise to God and turned to his interrogator:
You want to know? It is because the eyes of the Most High have willed it so. He continually watches the good and the wicked, and as His most holy eyes have not found among sinners any smaller man, nor any more insufficient and sinful, therefore He has chosen me to accomplish the marvelous work which God hath undertaken; He chose me because He could find none more worthless, and He wished to confound the nobility of grandeur, the strength, the beauty and the learning of this world (Spiritual Leadership, J.Oswald Sanders, 2007).
When we read in Exodus 33:11a, the bible says, "The Lord would
speak to Moses face to face, as
one speaks to a friend." So how did Moses go from the guy who hid his face to the guy who spoke to God face to face? What changed? His perspective. Instead of focusing on his weaknesses, he learned how to focus on God's strength. He went from telling God how big his problems where to telling his problems how big his God is. Because of his faith an entire nation was delivered from slavery. What would happen in our lives if we updated our prescription and changed our focus (Rhetorical question)? Imagine how different our world would be if we stopped hiding our face from God and started meeting Him face to face.
I just spent the past two weeks with a house full of family visiting from the mainland. It's funny how you don't notice how much you need something until you can't find it.
My Brother Paul marinating a mean Carne Asada
Take Mexican food for example, I love me some Mexican food! Friends from both Hawaii and Colorado can attest to this truth. There's nothing quite like chili verde, menudo, carne asada, and flautas. Okay, I'm making my stomach growl just thinking about it. No, Taco Bell is NOT authentic Mexican food. Those who have had the "real deal" know the difference between a carne asada taco at a great Mexican food restaurant and a taco from Taco Bell. No comparison! It's been one of the more challenging quests upon our arrival in Hawaii, to find some authentic Mexican Food. This is why every Mexican restaurant we go to, we have to look in the kitchen to see if the cook is in fact, a Mexican. My brother, Paul, made it a point to make me my two favorite Mexican comfort foods during his stay here (Green Chili and Carne Asada). Now that's LOVE! Often times, we do not appreciate a good thing until we have to go with out it.
On our way to the Beach with Bela
When it comes to family, I think the same is true.Having family here was absolutely the highlight of my kids' summer. My sister (she's actually my close cousin whom I grew up referring to as my sister), Sacha got married on Oahu. Her and her new husband Chris, had an amazing wedding on the North Shore with lots of friends and family here to celebrate the joyous occasion with them. My mom, my brother Paul and his wife Mary, my Aunt Pat and Uncle John (parents of the bride), My Aunt Jeanette, my cousin Clint, and my sweet niece Isabela all came to Hawaii for the wedding. We created many fond memories with them and I hope that it's the beginning of many future visits from family. Isabela or "Bela" as we call her, spent an extra week with us while her parents spent their honeymoon on a neighboring island. During this time, her and Abi got really close. Abi being a few years younger than Bela, was able to connect with a girly girl like herself who has similar interests and hobbies. When we dropped Bela and her parents off at the airport to say the final goodbye, Abi lost it. She was really upset. She cried the entire ride home from the airport and continued to cry into the night. She's so tenderhearted and has a genuine love for people (much like her daddy).
Consoling Abi after saying goodbye
Abi and Zekey have recently took on the art of text messaging. Abi who is soon to be a second grader, can send fully legible messages, complete with smiling faces and hearts. Zekey's messages look something like this, "jaoiljkio olkjljj i kkljalfi erh!" He giggles as he sends them because although he's learning to read and can recognize some words, most of what he sees when he reads is gibberish. Abi and a few of her cousins have been corresponding through messages on their "i things" ipads and ipods. We do monitor their conversations and limit their online interactions but it has been really exciting to see the kids grow in this area. In the days since Bela's departure, they've been corresponding through these type of messages. It reminds me of my sister and I. When Sacha and I were little we were pen pals. We wrote hundreds of letters to each other over the course of time starting from the age of 6 years old well into our teenage years. I can still remember rushing to the mailbox when I'd get home from school just to see if there was a letter from Sacha waiting for me. It was often the highlight of my day and sometimes week. Yes, we used snailmail back then (don't laugh), it was long before the days of emails and text messages (okay you can laugh). As adults, we can sit and laugh about it now. We remember how silly we once were and how we'd spend hours talking or writing about the funny stories that made up our understanding of life as we knew it. It is interesting to see myself in my daughter. I can look at her life, all seven years of it, so far, and be full of excitement for her future. I bet that's a lot like how God sees us. As His children, He can see Himself in us. Not only that but, He can see the silliness of our worries and the limitations of our understanding. He can look beyond our time here on earth and smile because He knows that our future is not only bound to what we can see but there is hope for so much more. Just as Abi can smile at Zekey's gibberish because she's a few years down the road, and I can smile at Abi's letters, I know that the Lord can and often does smile at our situation. He can see where the road ends. Maybe at the moment all you can see is what is in front of you. Maybe all you can remember is the sorrow you feel by your emptynested heart from having to say goodbye too soon. Maybe all you can see is gibberish when you open God's word to hear from Him. Perhaps your current situation is too complicated to even make sense of. Can I encourage you that there is hope. Here is a promise that you and I can cling to:
Hebrews 10:22-25 So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.
We might be discouraged or experiencing something similar to family withdrawals, but spur on my friends! Get a "firm grip" on His promises because HE keeps his word.
Do you like surprises? Why or why not? There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who love surprises and those who don't. I am more of a 'non lover of surprises' whereas my husband, Zach is the ultimate lover of surprises. I mean he LOVES surprises. In fact most of our Colorado friends can attest to the fact that we usually throw at least one surprise party a year. Two years ago for my 30th birthday, he threw me the ultimate surprise party. You see, most kids growing up absolutely love birthdays. If they are anything like my kids, they count down the days until their next birthday. But as you age, somewhere between 22 and 25 birthdays become less eventful and more dreadful.
Naturally, turning 30 was not something I embraced so easily. In fact, leading up to the day, I became increasingly more depressed as I looked at the larger scope of my life. I began to think about all the things that I thought should have happened by now and hadn't. I began to look at the fact that I was not my 'ideal self.' I didn't look how I thought I should, weigh how much I wished I would, and accomplish the things I thought I could. It was a downward spiral of reflection and regret. So, when it came up in conversations with my husband, I talked about how much I wasn't looking forward to it. I thought surely, by 30 I'd know more, be more accomplished, polished and put together. Instead of looking at the things that were going well in my life, I looked at the things that weren't. So the series of discussions would come up about things I'd wished I'd done better or differently. One of which was having a senior year of high school. You see, I graduated my junior year of high school and went straight into bible college. Not because I was a super smart genius but because I had enough credits to do so, which was totally part of God's plan for my life. Having said that, I often reflected on the fact that I never had senior experiences like senior pictures, went to senior ditch day (well as a senior anyway) or went to my senior prom.
So, that year, Zach decided to throw me the ultimate senior prom birthday bash! He rented out a small church banquet room, invited all of our friends and family (adults only). With the help of close friends and family, he hired a DJ, made corsages, made a balloon archway, made a cut-out photo booth, and even had a punch bowl there (no, it wasn't spiked). I was blindfolded for a good portion of the car ride down to the church, as my mind raced wondering what he was up to, my stomach also raced due to the fact that I become car sick easily. We pulled up to the church and he escorted me to the front doors, as the blindfold was pulled back I read a sign that said, "Welcome to your senior prom!" and turned the corner to be greeted by a loud "SURPRISE!!!!" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, so I did a little of both. Luckily there was kleenex available for the occasion.
You either love surprises or hate them. I've always had a hard time with surprises because I like to know what's going to happen. I am a planner. I like setting goals and reaching them. I like making lists and checking things off. I like being intentional and purposeful. I also like being in control and when I find myself in a position where I have no control, I begin to feel insecure and powerless. This is why I love chick flicks and romantic comedies, I like knowing how the story is going to end. I like knowing that at the end of the movie, I will leave feeling uplifted and hopeful. This is why many people go to the movies in the first place. Perhaps they see a preview that interests them and gives them a level of expectation. Have you ever watched a movie based on the preview only to find that your level of expectation did not align with your experience. Upon leaving the theater you feel cheated out of your time, investment and especially your experience. Perhaps in life you've expected good things but experienced the contrary.
Proverbs 13:12 (New International Version)Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
How well do you handle things when we expect one thing but experience another. This is what I call "Battle of the Ex's," Expectations vs. Experiences. Who do we expect the most from? This is not a trick question. We tend to expect the most from those who we've given the most to or those who've gotten the most from. We can all think of practical earthly examples of this: parents and children, husbands and wives, etc. We tend to have a certain level of expectation from these individuals based on the investments they've made into us or the ones we've made into them. As Christians, when we surrender our lives to The Lord, we often increase our level of expectations from Him as He does with us. It is a natural progression of fear to faith, test to testimony, and mess to message. The more we operate in this exercise of expectation, the greater level of experience we encounter.
When we look at the bible we can see countless stories of how God's people expected things to happen one way but they experienced another. I'm not just talking about expecting an A on a test and getting a B-. I am talking about real, life altering, expectations combined with life altering experiences. When Moses left Egypt, he probably didn't expect to wander in the desert for 40 years. When Joseph had a dream, he probably didn't expect to be sold into slavery by his own brothers. When Jesus came to earth, no one expected Him to be born in a barn or to die on a cross. So why are we so caught off guard when our expectations and experiences don't match up.
In John chapter 11 (1-6, 17), we read about a man named Lazarus and his two sisters Mary and Martha. As we explore God's word, I want you to see if you can find yourself in this story.
11 Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha.2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.)3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”
4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days,
17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.
A few years ago, Zach and I were in full time ministry together, working for a church in Northern Colorado. At the time, Abi was just under a year old and I found out I was pregnant again. As I thought about the magnitude of having two children in diapers, and two kids under the age of two, I began to fret. Needless to say, I was really upset about the news because I understood the sacrifices I had to make as a mom. Not only the physical sacrifice of being pregnant, and the awkwardness that accompanies it, but the idea of having children so close in age scared me. It was announced at the church without my consent and I was flooded with a array of comments from "You two didn't waste much time," to "can't you afford cable?" Thirteen weeks into my pregnancy, I began to hemorrhage, as luck would have it, Zach was leading a retreat in the mountains with a group of young adults from our church. They were in an area where cell phone service was unavailable. I began having very painful contractions and called my friend to drive me to the ER and look after Abi. When we got there, they ran some tests, and confirmed that I was in the process of miscarrying.
In the weeks to follow, I went through a series of emotions from guilt for not being excited about this child, to regret for not taking better care of myself, to anger. I was upset with myself for not "having what it takes to carry this baby." I was upset with Zach for being absent in my time of need. But most of all, I was upset with the Lord for letting me down. I could have accepted the fact that I let myself down (which was a lie from the enemy), or that Zach let me down (another lie). I was having a hard time accepting the fact that God had disappointed me. I began questioning where He was in all this. If only He had been there, He could have changed the outcome. I allowed this sole experience to create a wedge of hurt and bitterness between me and the Lord. Now I understand that this was just one miscarriage and that there are women who experience several miscarriages and infertility in a way that I will never understand to which I just want to say, I'm sorry. Having said that, a loss is still a loss. The grieving process is different for everyone and because we serve a unique God, who is very caught up in the uniqueness of His creation, we are allowed this process.
John 11 (18-20) 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem,19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
Hold the phone! Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem...that's like from Aloha Tower to Ala Moana Shopping center. Jesus waited how long to travel how far? When He heard the news he waited 2 days to travel 2 miles. (Although the bible isn't clear on Jesus' exact location at the time where He got the news.)
Three things to note here: Lazarus was referred to as "the one you love," Mary was the same Mary that poured perfume on Jesus indicating her love to Him. Martha was the same Martha that prepared dinner for Jesus (found in Luke 10) and we all know that the path to a man's heart is through His stomach. All 3 of them had a pre-existing relationship with Jesus built on mutual love. He knew them, they knew Him. He loved them, they loved Him. Martha "went out to greet Him," I've heard a pastor explain it like this. She probably met him in the driveway, with her hand on her hip. This is how we know that Martha was a "Tita." She was going to tell Him a thing or two. In verse 21, she says, "Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died."
IF Jesus would have arrived on the scene earlier, He would have met her expectations of Him. She had seen him perform miracle after miracle in the past. She wasn't questioning his ability, she was questioning his timing. Verse 21 continued..."But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." But even now, in the present. You weren't here in the past when I needed you most, but you're here now.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Kung Fu Panda, where master Ooguay says: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present." There is wisdom in embracing the present. God is an ever present help in our time of need. Maybe you expected Him to show up earlier, maybe you expected Him to change your situation by now, perhaps you are frozen by your past experiences that it has altered your future expectations. God knows right where you are, perhaps he's placed you there. Maybe he showed up 4 days late on purpose?
John 11:23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” 28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.”29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him.30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him.31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. 32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.35 Jesus wept.
If you have a hard time memorizing scripture, here's an easy one. John 11:35 "Jesus wept." You're welcome. Why do you think Jesus wept? Perhaps He was mourning the loss of Lazarus, perhaps it broke His heart to see those He loved in pain, or maybe it bothered him to have to disappoint them. The bible says He was fully human and fully God. He was showing his humanity, He wanted to make a point to show He truly cared and He understood their pain.
This is Derek Redmond. Derek was born September 3, 1965. He grew up in Bletchley, Buckinghamshire England. At the age of 7, he started training and competing in races. He held numerous records in the 400 meter races. Derek shattered the British record for the 400 meter at the age of 19. In the 1988 Olympics, Derek had to withdraw from the races due to an injury to his achilles. After undergoing 8 surgeries, he was ready to compete again in 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. Throughout his career, his father, Jim Redmond supported him. Many would agree that Jim was his son's biggest fan.Let's watch to see what happens.
In the video, Derek tears his hamstring. Jim Redmond, Derek's father hugs his boy saying these words to him, "I'm here, son. We'll finish together." Derek puts his arms around his father's shoulders and sobs.
Nothing happens to you, everything happens for you. -Wayne Dyer
If God always met our expectations, He'd never be able to exceed them. We need to be willing to give up the question of "why" because we are living in the past. And surrender the question of "how" because we are living in the future, which is not ours to answer. And we have to learn how to trust with the "now." What if the story just ended here, would we be okay with the outcome or would we leave the theater disappointed? I am not going to tell you how Lazarus' story ends. In fact, you might already know the ending. I want you to read the ending with an open mind and heart. Ask the Lord for a deeper revelation of Himself as you do.
Do you sing or have you ever played an instrument? Believe it or not, I do sing, although mostly off pitch and in the shower. And I have played an instrument. In fact, I took 6 years of band. I played the flute, now, I know you're probably thinking...'what happens at band camp stays at band camp!' I was third chair from most of 5th grade through 10th grade, until I got kicked out. The only two things I remember from my 6 years of lessons was: Mary Had a Little Lamb and B minor warm up exercise. Brilliant you say? Why thank you!
When it comes to reading music there are some basic things you must understand. The backbone to any written musical masterpiece starts with the staff. The staff in music, is a crucial to the organization of the notes. A staff, consists of 5 horizontal lines and 4 spaces. Both the lines and spaces are equally important because both hold notes. In music, it isn't always about the noise but sometimes the absence of noise that speaks the loudest. In our modern society, we've become accustomed to celebrating the noise but have neglected the silence. It is often times in seasons of silence where the most valuable lessons are learned. Some of my most life changing experiences can be found in the deserts of my life, much like the life of Moses. One of my favorite verses in the bible is spoken by Jesus himself. “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get
away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real
rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms
of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with
me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message). When we look at the life of Moses, we can see the unforced rhythms of grace at work through the cycle of grace. There are four seasons in this cycle: Identity, Intimacy, Importance, and Increase. If you've been serving God any amount of time, you can find yourself in any one of these seasons. 1. Identity. Identity, is a season of discovery, learning and humility. I've been here several times in my life. Three that come to mind: when I became a Christian, a wife, and a mother. Upon entering the season of Identity, it is common to feel completely lost. The things that once filled you, leave you feeling drained. You are not sure who you are, where you are going, or what you're doing. When I became a Christian, I stopped hanging out with my old friends, I stopped listening to my old music, and living my old life, cold turkey. It was an instant transformation. I was in love with Jesus, I had made a choice to live life differently and purposefully. It was an instant transformation, a real life miracle. When I became a wife, I was a little more stubborn. I resisted the reset button in my life because I felt that I'd established my identity as a single woman. When I went from an "Espinoza" to a "Bumgardner," I felt as though I wasn't just changing my last name but my ethnicity. Besides the stubborn and often pointless battles over meaningless differences on things like the proper way to grade cheese, I felt like I was doing most of the changing. And when I became a mommy, I could remember looking into my daughter's eyes and just staring at her for hours. I was in love and amazed but after a few months of sleepless nights, I had forgotten who I was, aside from being a human milk machine. My life had changed forever. It took a while to regain my footing from each of these seasons. Looking at Moses life, (Exodus 33: 12-19) he goes through a similar experience. After leaving Egypt, he's second guessing what God's asked him to do. He says I can go if I know you're with me, but how will others know you are with me? I love what God says to him at the end of verse 19, "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." In other words, 'you do your part, and I'll do my part.' If God is asking you to take a step of faith, you are not alone, He walks with you. 2. Intimacy. Intimacy is something that Moses not only understood but did well. The bible says that he had a tent that was set up outside of camp calling it "The Tent of Meeting." Even in the desert, he was intentional about spending time with God. "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend (Exodus 33:11). In modern terms, it would be like having FaceTime with your best friend over your morning cup of coffee. My best friend lives in Colorado, which makes connecting difficult at times. Because of the 4 hour time difference, munchkins we are raising and scheduling conflicts, we have to be intentional about spending time together if we want to remain best friends. The same is true with the Lord. We have to be intentional, even when if it's inconvenient.
Abi and Zekey FaceTiming with their cousins
3. Importance. I've heard it said, let me see your checkbook register and I'll tell you what's important to you. The things we spend time doing are the things we spend money on. Harsh? A bit, but true. Which is why the majority of my bank transactions are food related. The bible says, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (my paraphrase). Looking at the life of Moses, he had to give up a lot in his lifetime, leaving the good life of living in the palace to wander in the desert doesn't sound like an upgrade, which is probably why he struggled so much with giving God his staff. This was his comfort, his security, it was all that was left. Exodus 4:2-5, the story picks up on another interesting conversation between God and Moses. "Then
the Lord said to him, “What is
that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied. The Lord said, “Throw
it on the ground.” Moses threw it on the ground and it
became a snake, and he ran from it. Then
the Lord said to him, “Reach
out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold of
the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. “This,”
said the Lord, “is so that they may believe that
the Lord, the God of their fathers—the God of
Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you.” When God asked Moses, what's that in your hand, it was a rhetorical question. He not only knew what it was but what it meant to Moses. The word, staff used in this passage, is different than the musical staff mentioned earlier. In English a staff is defined as a stick or cane used as an aid in walking or climbing, can also be used as a weapon, and is often a symbol of authority. The Hebrew word for staff, matteh also meaning branch (in vine). Sound familiar? (John 15) He is the vine and we are the branches.
4. Increase. Increase in one thing means a decrease in another. When God's influence is increased in our lives, our selfish ways must decrease to remain in balance. According to John 15:5, because He is the vine and we are the branches, "If you remain in me, and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Don't we all want to live a more fruitful life? So many of us think that we can start out in this season, we want to see the fruit without the labor. We focus more on the doing than the becoming. You can't fake fruit. Growing fruit takes time, it takes work, it takes dedication, it takes patience, and it takes humility.
Moses put in the time with God, he spent 40 years investing in his relationship with God, planting spiritual seeds and blessing God's people. The Lord gave Moses a very specific blessing of grace in Numbers 6:24-26. It goes like this: "May God Bless you and keep you. God make his face shine on you. The Lord be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." This is the blessing we should offer others. Whether you are in the season of Identity, Intimacy, Importance, or Increase,God is willing to not only walk you through that season but offer grace. It's a selfless gift with no strings attached. How will you respond to the unforced rhythms of grace?
When my daughter, Abigail, was little we used to watch a show called "Wipe Out!" If you've ever seen the show you know that it's a comedic game show where adults race through a ridiculously over sized obstacle course in order to compete for a cash prize. It's quality family entertainment as you observe grown adults stumble through a freakishly impossible obstacle course, with a series of less than graceful "wipe outs" to the finish line in hopes of winning the prize. One evening while watching it, a lady slipped and fell off the mud covered path and into a pool of water. As we witnessed this epic fail, the lady yelled the words "What the H--- (word that rhymes with spell)!" Abi cracked up laughing, she slapped her leg and repeated what she thought she heard, "What the HOW!" Zach and I quickly questioned her, "What did you say Abi?" She said, "What the HOW! Dat's funny mommy, What the HOW! Dat doesn't evening make sense!" We giggled along with her and then explained that even though it doesn't make sense we shouldn't repeat words like that because sometimes people can use those kinds of words to hurt other people. Perhaps we dodged a bullet that night with our then 3 year old daughter.
I've often found myself asking God the same question when I do not understand "HOW" things will work out. I'm like "What the...how?" When I demand to know the how, I can get lost in the details. I begin to reason and think my way through situations and question the greater calling on my life. After hearing no from man, I begin to think that God's answer is the same. I can see where this thinking can only lead to bitterness and resentment. I know that God has a higher calling on my life than my current situation reveals yet I want to know "HOW" and when the answer isn't clear, I wonder if I've missed something. How will God use me? How will God fulfill His plan for my life? How do I find fulfillment in who He's designed me to be? Perhaps you're like me, where you know that there is a greater calling on your life than you are currently seeing.
Before I went back to school for my Bachelors Degree in Sociology, I knew that I had a desire for more than what I could currently see. When I'd close my eyes, I could see myself successfully completing my degree. God gave me a vision for my future and although it was merely a snapshot, I knew I could get there through the grace of God. A few semesters into my degree, I failed my first exam, I began questioning God. I wanted to know two things: What the H---? And what the...HOW? I felt like he'd given me a very specific dream and at the moment I felt incapable of achieving that dream. I knew that there were things in my life beyond my control at work which is what made my dependence on God even more evident. What I was really asking was WHY (in the past), and HOW (in the future)? Needless to say I passed the class, and in a month, I will achieve this lifelong dream! It's been a long time coming and I went the non-traditional route where often times it's felt more like a burden than a blessing. I've missed class to care for a sick child. I stayed up till all hours of the night to turn in assignments on time. I've taken tests in between diaper changes and nap times. I've cooked dinner while cramming for tests, and helping with homework. I've moved across town and moved overseas while submitting assignments in airports and over unpacked boxes. So that... when my children are older, the question will not be a matter of "If" but "WHEN" they go to college.
Do dreams come true? Yes. For me? Yes. For you? Yes, to all who put their hope in Christ. Philippians 1:6 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." If He spoke it, so be it. If He breathed it, so live it. If He promised it, it'll happen. Stop asking why because you're living in the past, and how because you're living in the future and start living in the now. You'll never know the HOW if you can't live in the NOW!
Have you ever wandered through life wondering if what you're doing and how you're being assessed by the world around you is "good enough." Is the report card passing? Are you in the clear with your bank account? Do you have enough supplies to complete the job? So many questions floating in your head, yet the bottom line is you wonder if JUST being you, is enough.
I've been fascinated with this word lately. JUST. It's a very interesting adverb that has so many meanings in the English language. Many times we can use this word as a bullet to hurt others. I cannot count the amount of times when I've heard, "oh so you're JUST a stay at home mom." Really? Really. I've worked corporate jobs and have traveled the world, but one of the most difficult things I've ever done was be a stay at home mom. Becoming a mommy was one of the proudest and most vulnerable things I've ever done. Like many moms I can still remember the moment I looked into my child's face and immediately fell in love. No matter how prepared you are leading up to that moment, you are never entirely prepared for how drastically and suddenly your life will change. I've been thinking a lot about how this happens, as you read through the books and try to figure out "what to expect when you're expecting" you realize that some of the things you experience in those first few moments are not at all like anything you could ever expect or imagine.
The nature of watching your child grow is a process that happens so gradually yet it can take you by surprise to see them take their first step, sprout their first tooth, speak their first word, march off to school for the first time, loose their first tooth, or experience their first heartbreak. All of these things are a part of growing up, as mundane as they may become with repetition, they are all part of the process. Some days I can look at my kids and notice something different about them, like their hair has grown or their pants are suddenly too tight. I can look at the same child through pictures and see the various stages from infancy to toddler, to school kid. But when I am looking at them everyday, it is harder to notice that they are changing.
I think the same is true in our walk with God, we can look at snapshots of our lives and see that we are not the same person we once were. We can see practically how we've grown over time through the various stages and phases of life. Sometimes it is hard to see ourselves changing everyday, or getting stronger by reading our word and praying. We cannot see the spiritual muscles being formed by the mundane tasks we complete in an effort to be obedient. All we see in the moment is the process of the JUST. Every once in a while we are enlightened by the highlight of "firsts." Accepting Christ, being baptized, the word coming alive as we read it, the faith built through prayers answered, or the joy of leading others to Christ. But most days we are JUST growing gradually. We are JUST being obedient. We are JUST reading our daily devotions. We are JUST praying as a spiritual practice and maybe not a completely heartfelt submission. We fail to celebrate the JUST. By downplaying these spiritual disciplines, we discount the work that's being done, the progress that's being made and the growth that's happening on a daily basis. Instead of classifying the JUST as plain, we should be celebrating the JUST things of the world. After all, God uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. So JUST being you, is good enough!
Have you ever felt lost? Like uncertain of where you are going and what you're doing in life? Perhaps you've been lost literally. There's a store in Hawaii, Don Quijote, it's kind of like the "Japanese Walmart." It has everything you could ever need. It's a one-stop Asian mart, complete with bilingual signage and pricing. The color scheme is a bright yellow and red. It's kind of hard to miss.
Upon moving to Hawaii, I've experienced a bit of a pricing culture shock. It took me a few Sunday papers to get acclimated to the idea of spending $5.99 on a gallon of milk (sale price). Sure, Colorado is the land flowing with milk and honey, okay just milk. By milk, I mean Greeley is literally surrounded by cows. Great for the economy, maybe not so much for the aroma. So, a gallon of milk on sale is $1.97. As you can imagine, this did't settle well with my pocketbook nor my frugal ways. So, my first trip to Don Quijote, wasn't exactly a bright and liberating experience. The only thing bright about this experience was the sign. After walking through the souvenir department and bypassing a commercial for a rice cooker in Japanese with English subtitles, I felt lost. I felt like I'd made a mistake by going there in the first place. As I scrambled to get through my shopping list, I couldn't help but think, what am I doing here. I should stick to stores I know. I felt the enemy whisper malicious lies into my ear and like an echo, I verbalized them internally. Things like, I don't belong, and I should go back where I came from.
The week prior to this trip, Abi asked to take spam musubi to school for lunch. She'd been taking sandwiches and lunchables but noticed that all the other kids had musubi. She came home expressing an interest in taking musubi for her lunch like many of the other children. I didn't want to discourage her, so we put spam musubi on the list. So, here we are in the seaweed isle, looking at an array of dried seaweed packages in Japanese. I felt lost. Apparently, my feelings were conveyed through the look on my face and my body language because a very kind older Asian woman, asked me if I was in fact lost. She said, "You look like you could use some help." Really, I thought, 'it's that obvious huh?' She went on to explain that it'd been years since she made musubi for her children but her grandchildren loved it. As she pointed me to the right package, I thought, 'it's just like God to send help especially when we're not expecting it.' After I thanked her, I completed my trip and scurried over to the checkout.
Although this experience made me feel lost at first, I was reminded that even if I do not know the way, God is leading, guiding and directing my steps. He has sent people along the path to encourage, help and befriend me. I have to fight past the feelings and insecurities to walk in his freedom. The same is true for us all, because God doesn't show favoritism. We know that He doesn't always show us a clear cut path or make situations comfortable for us, but He will place people in our path for a purpose. Many times, we cannot understand the reasons why until the moment has passed. Sometimes, it's to encourage us, sometimes it's to help us, sometimes it's to provide comfort, sometimes it's to correct us, sometimes it's to teach us, but the underlined reason is because God loves us. Take time today to notice how God is watching out for you. You may feel lost, but His overwhelming grace will help you find the way. You may feel uncertain of what the future holds, but when you look to Him, you will find the peace that surpasses understanding.
