Naturally, turning 30 was not something I embraced so easily. In fact, leading up to the day, I became increasingly more depressed as I looked at the larger scope of my life. I began to think about all the things that I thought should have happened by now and hadn't. I began to look at the fact that I was not my 'ideal self.' I didn't look how I thought I should, weigh how much I wished I would, and accomplish the things I thought I could. It was a downward spiral of reflection and regret. So, when it came up in conversations with my husband, I talked about how much I wasn't looking forward to it. I thought surely, by 30 I'd know more, be more accomplished, polished and put together. Instead of looking at the things that were going well in my life, I looked at the things that weren't. So the series of discussions would come up about things I'd wished I'd done better or differently. One of which was having a senior year of high school. You see, I graduated my junior year of high school and went straight into bible college. Not because I was a super smart genius but because I had enough credits to do so, which was totally part of God's plan for my life. Having said that, I often reflected on the fact that I never had senior experiences like senior pictures, went to senior ditch day (well as a senior anyway) or went to my senior prom.
So, that year, Zach decided to throw me the ultimate senior prom birthday bash! He rented out a small church banquet room, invited all of our friends and family (adults only). With the help of close friends and family, he hired a DJ, made corsages, made a balloon archway, made a cut-out photo booth, and even had a punch bowl there (no, it wasn't spiked). I was blindfolded for a good portion of the car ride down to the church, as my mind raced wondering what he was up to, my stomach also raced due to the fact that I become car sick easily. We pulled up to the church and he escorted me to the front doors, as the blindfold was pulled back I read a sign that said, "Welcome to your senior prom!" and turned the corner to be greeted by a loud "SURPRISE!!!!" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, so I did a little of both. Luckily there was kleenex available for the occasion.
You either love surprises or hate them. I've always had a hard time with surprises because I like to know what's going to happen. I am a planner. I like setting goals and reaching them. I like making lists and checking things off. I like being intentional and purposeful. I also like being in control and when I find myself in a position where I have no control, I begin to feel insecure and powerless. This is why I love chick flicks and romantic comedies, I like knowing how the story is going to end. I like knowing that at the end of the movie, I will leave feeling uplifted and hopeful. This is why many people go to the movies in the first place. Perhaps they see a preview that interests them and gives them a level of expectation. Have you ever watched a movie based on the preview only to find that your level of expectation did not align with your experience. Upon leaving the theater you feel cheated out of your time, investment and especially your experience. Perhaps in life you've expected good things but experienced the contrary.
How well do you handle things when we expect one thing but experience another. This is what I call "Battle of the Ex's," Expectations vs. Experiences. Who do we expect the most from? This is not a trick question. We tend to expect the most from those who we've given the most to or those who've gotten the most from. We can all think of practical earthly examples of this: parents and children, husbands and wives, etc. We tend to have a certain level of expectation from these individuals based on the investments they've made into us or the ones we've made into them. As Christians, when we surrender our lives to The Lord, we often increase our level of expectations from Him as He does with us. It is a natural progression of fear to faith, test to testimony, and mess to message. The more we operate in this exercise of expectation, the greater level of experience we encounter.
When we look at the bible we can see countless stories of how God's people expected things to happen one way but they experienced another. I'm not just talking about expecting an A on a test and getting a B-. I am talking about real, life altering, expectations combined with life altering experiences. When Moses left Egypt, he probably didn't expect to wander in the desert for 40 years. When Joseph had a dream, he probably didn't expect to be sold into slavery by his own brothers. When Jesus came to earth, no one expected Him to be born in a barn or to die on a cross. So why are we so caught off guard when our expectations and experiences don't match up.
In John chapter 11 (1-6, 17), we read about a man named Lazarus and his two sisters Mary and Martha. As we explore God's word, I want you to see if you can find yourself in this story.
A few years ago, Zach and I were in full time ministry together, working for a church in Northern Colorado. At the time, Abi was just under a year old and I found out I was pregnant again. As I thought about the magnitude of having two children in diapers, and two kids under the age of two, I began to fret. Needless to say, I was really upset about the news because I understood the sacrifices I had to make as a mom. Not only the physical sacrifice of being pregnant, and the awkwardness that accompanies it, but the idea of having children so close in age scared me. It was announced at the church without my consent and I was flooded with a array of comments from "You two didn't waste much time," to "can't you afford cable?"
Thirteen weeks into my pregnancy, I began to hemorrhage, as luck would have it, Zach was leading a retreat in the mountains with a group of young adults from our church. They were in an area where cell phone service was unavailable. I began having very painful contractions and called my friend to drive me to the ER and look after Abi. When we got there, they ran some tests, and confirmed that I was in the process of miscarrying.
In the weeks to follow, I went through a series of emotions from guilt for not being excited about this child, to regret for not taking better care of myself, to anger. I was upset with myself for not "having what it takes to carry this baby." I was upset with Zach for being absent in my time of need. But most of all, I was upset with the Lord for letting me down. I could have accepted the fact that I let myself down (which was a lie from the enemy), or that Zach let me down (another lie). I was having a hard time accepting the fact that God had disappointed me. I began questioning where He was in all this. If only He had been there, He could have changed the outcome. I allowed this sole experience to create a wedge of hurt and bitterness between me and the Lord. Now I understand that this was just one miscarriage and that there are women who experience several miscarriages and infertility in a way that I will never understand to which I just want to say, I'm sorry. Having said that, a loss is still a loss. The grieving process is different for everyone and because we serve a unique God, who is very caught up in the uniqueness of His creation, we are allowed this process.
Proverbs 13:12 (New International Version) Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
How well do you handle things when we expect one thing but experience another. This is what I call "Battle of the Ex's," Expectations vs. Experiences. Who do we expect the most from? This is not a trick question. We tend to expect the most from those who we've given the most to or those who've gotten the most from. We can all think of practical earthly examples of this: parents and children, husbands and wives, etc. We tend to have a certain level of expectation from these individuals based on the investments they've made into us or the ones we've made into them. As Christians, when we surrender our lives to The Lord, we often increase our level of expectations from Him as He does with us. It is a natural progression of fear to faith, test to testimony, and mess to message. The more we operate in this exercise of expectation, the greater level of experience we encounter.
When we look at the bible we can see countless stories of how God's people expected things to happen one way but they experienced another. I'm not just talking about expecting an A on a test and getting a B-. I am talking about real, life altering, expectations combined with life altering experiences. When Moses left Egypt, he probably didn't expect to wander in the desert for 40 years. When Joseph had a dream, he probably didn't expect to be sold into slavery by his own brothers. When Jesus came to earth, no one expected Him to be born in a barn or to die on a cross. So why are we so caught off guard when our expectations and experiences don't match up.
In John chapter 11 (1-6, 17), we read about a man named Lazarus and his two sisters Mary and Martha. As we explore God's word, I want you to see if you can find yourself in this story.
11 Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) 3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days,
17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.
A few years ago, Zach and I were in full time ministry together, working for a church in Northern Colorado. At the time, Abi was just under a year old and I found out I was pregnant again. As I thought about the magnitude of having two children in diapers, and two kids under the age of two, I began to fret. Needless to say, I was really upset about the news because I understood the sacrifices I had to make as a mom. Not only the physical sacrifice of being pregnant, and the awkwardness that accompanies it, but the idea of having children so close in age scared me. It was announced at the church without my consent and I was flooded with a array of comments from "You two didn't waste much time," to "can't you afford cable?"
Thirteen weeks into my pregnancy, I began to hemorrhage, as luck would have it, Zach was leading a retreat in the mountains with a group of young adults from our church. They were in an area where cell phone service was unavailable. I began having very painful contractions and called my friend to drive me to the ER and look after Abi. When we got there, they ran some tests, and confirmed that I was in the process of miscarrying.
In the weeks to follow, I went through a series of emotions from guilt for not being excited about this child, to regret for not taking better care of myself, to anger. I was upset with myself for not "having what it takes to carry this baby." I was upset with Zach for being absent in my time of need. But most of all, I was upset with the Lord for letting me down. I could have accepted the fact that I let myself down (which was a lie from the enemy), or that Zach let me down (another lie). I was having a hard time accepting the fact that God had disappointed me. I began questioning where He was in all this. If only He had been there, He could have changed the outcome. I allowed this sole experience to create a wedge of hurt and bitterness between me and the Lord. Now I understand that this was just one miscarriage and that there are women who experience several miscarriages and infertility in a way that I will never understand to which I just want to say, I'm sorry. Having said that, a loss is still a loss. The grieving process is different for everyone and because we serve a unique God, who is very caught up in the uniqueness of His creation, we are allowed this process.
John 11 (18-20) 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.Hold the phone! Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem...that's like from Aloha Tower to Ala Moana Shopping center. Jesus waited how long to travel how far? When He heard the news he waited 2 days to travel 2 miles. (Although the bible isn't clear on Jesus' exact location at the time where He got the news.)
Three things to note here: Lazarus was referred to as "the one you love," Mary was the same Mary that poured perfume on Jesus indicating her love to Him. Martha was the same Martha that prepared dinner for Jesus (found in Luke 10) and we all know that the path to a man's heart is through His stomach. All 3 of them had a pre-existing relationship with Jesus built on mutual love. He knew them, they knew Him. He loved them, they loved Him. Martha "went out to greet Him," I've heard a pastor explain it like this. She probably met him in the driveway, with her hand on her hip. This is how we know that Martha was a "Tita." She was going to tell Him a thing or two. In verse 21, she says, "Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died."
IF Jesus would have arrived on the scene earlier, He would have met her expectations of Him. She had seen him perform miracle after miracle in the past. She wasn't questioning his ability, she was questioning his timing. Verse 21 continued..."But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." But even now, in the present. You weren't here in the past when I needed you most, but you're here now.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Kung Fu Panda, where master Ooguay says: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present." There is wisdom in embracing the present. God is an ever present help in our time of need. Maybe you expected Him to show up earlier, maybe you expected Him to change your situation by now, perhaps you are frozen by your past experiences that it has altered your future expectations. God knows right where you are, perhaps he's placed you there. Maybe he showed up 4 days late on purpose?
John 11:23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” 28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. 32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.35 Jesus wept.
If you have a hard time memorizing scripture, here's an easy one. John 11:35 "Jesus wept." You're welcome. Why do you think Jesus wept? Perhaps He was mourning the loss of Lazarus, perhaps it broke His heart to see those He loved in pain, or maybe it bothered him to have to disappoint them. The bible says He was fully human and fully God. He was showing his humanity, He wanted to make a point to show He truly cared and He understood their pain.
This is Derek Redmond. Derek was born September 3, 1965. He grew up in Bletchley, Buckinghamshire England. At the age of 7, he started training and competing in races. He held numerous records in the 400 meter races. Derek shattered the British record for the 400 meter at the age of 19. In the 1988 Olympics, Derek had to withdraw from the races due to an injury to his achilles. After undergoing 8 surgeries, he was ready to compete again in 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. Throughout his career, his father, Jim Redmond supported him. Many would agree that Jim was his son's biggest fan. Let's watch to see what happens.
In the video, Derek tears his hamstring. Jim Redmond, Derek's father hugs his boy saying these words to him, "I'm here, son. We'll finish together." Derek puts his arms around his father's shoulders and sobs.
Nothing happens to you, everything happens for you. -Wayne Dyer
If God always met our expectations, He'd never be able to exceed them. We need to be willing to give up the question of "why" because we are living in the past. And surrender the question of "how" because we are living in the future, which is not ours to answer. And we have to learn how to trust with the "now." What if the story just ended here, would we be okay with the outcome or would we leave the theater disappointed? I am not going to tell you how Lazarus' story ends. In fact, you might already know the ending. I want you to read the ending with an open mind and heart. Ask the Lord for a deeper revelation of Himself as you do.
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