Starting over...again

When I think of all the times I've "started over"over the years for the sake of being obedient I can either laugh or cry, both would suffice.  I have always had a kindred spirit with that of Joseph, the biblical character.  I can at times make parallels from his life experiences and life lessons.  Although, I have never been in prison, I've often felt like a prisoner of my thoughts.  Like Joseph, I had a dream at a young age.  I felt a very strong call into ministry at the age of 17, I gave my life to God  and I did what the natural next step was:  I joined Master's Commission.  It's a hybrid, ministry training program and bible college.  

Phase 1: Leaving the nest.  I moved 2,000 miles away from home to Sumter, SC to join the Master's Commission program there.  I had an accelerated ministry experience and dove straight in.  I spent time mentoring youth, organized school assemblies, helped create dances and dramas that explained biblical principles in laymen's terms.  I organized a community outreach to low income families through a sidewalk Sunday school program.  I traveled across 23 states and 2 countries, preaching, teaching and learning the gospel.

Phase 2: After three years in Master's Commission, I became a children's pastor at a church in Denver and enrolled in classes at Denver Metro.  I quickly learned that the two year certificate didn't transfer to any public secular college.  I could either transfer to an expensive Christian College that would accept my transcripts or start over.  I started over.  Ah, little did I know that "starting over" was my new anthem.  I started working full time at bank, was in school full time and also worked for the Church part time.  During this season, I met my future husband Zach.  As soon as we started dating he says, he knew I was going to be his wife.  It wasn't until we'd been engaged for six months that I knew he was going to be my husband.

Phase 3: After getting married, I moved to Greeley, CO.  Moving to Greeley was phase three of "starting over" for me.  I left the comfort of my church, my job, my friends, and my family to start over in Greeley with my new husband.  This season felt very gloomy, it felt like I was wrestling with my new job of being a wife and being in a new place on any given day.

Phase 4: A few years later, at the prompting of the Lord, we sold all of our belongings and moved to Honolulu, HI which makes phase four of "starting over."  We quickly got acclimated to the climate and the culture there.  We made some incredible friends and attended an amazing church but always felt the sense of longing to be in full time ministry.  We got offered a position at a church in Greeley to restart the Master's Commission program and because our heart beat echoed ministry we had to take it.

Phase 5: Back in Colorado, with nothing more than the clothes in our suitcases and the 10 boxes of sentimental items we mailed through the U.S. postal service, we started over.  We worked at this church helping build their young adult program and met some great friends along the way.  After two years of pouring our hearts and souls into this ministry, we got hurt and took a step away from ministry for a few months.   This phase is a dark phase, from what I recall.  It's much like a person who is wounded in battle but has blurred memory as to where the wounds came from.  The further I get from this phase the easier I find it to forgive and forget.

Phase 6: Mosaic.  Our motto, "a church for people who don't really like going to church."  That was us, that was me.  This time starting over wasn't as easy.  After several months of reevaluating and reexamining our hearts and values, we felt safe again.  We took baby steps toward spiritual recovery and  slowly began to trust again.  We weren't as enthusiastic as we once were but still hopeful and grateful for the opportunity.  It seems like the time flew by, and here we are 5 years and three months later overlooking the cliff we are about to jump off in order to "start over" again.

Phase 7: Hawaii again.  Without the details in place of how we arrived at this decision, it's hard to see the impact of how heavily weighed it was.  We've spent the last 5 years helping start and build Mosaic.  We were in the first meeting where we discussed what it would look like to have a church like Mosaic.  Now God is calling us to help build another church that's in it's infancy.  We will be traveling 2,000 miles in the opposite direction for the sake of obedience and I can honestly say, this has been the most difficult move we've ever had to make.  Starting over isn't easier the 7th time.  It really has never been easy, this is why most won't do it.

So, I sit here, with my stubborn submissions to the Lord and the audacity to think that my ways are more precise for my life than His.  I am reminded again of Joseph.  Through his example we can see that starting over is part of living.  We are faced with decisions on a regular basis to start over.  Most times, we think we've chosen this but we are quickly reminded that it is the Lord that is beckoning us to follow his lead of new beginnings.  The thing about Joseph that is so refreshing is that he was able to take his lot in life and start over in any situation.  Even in prison Joseph was acclimated and affirmed.  What makes us think we are any different, If God has given you a dream, it may take years of "starting over" till you see it come to fruition.  Don't let one restart be your last.  The quickest way to death is allowing one diagnosis, one past due notice, one failed test, one failed grade, one setback, to interfere with your new beginning.  "Faith and Fear are very similar.  The difference is Fear paralyzes and Faith causes action! (Paul D. Espinoza)"