Learning to soar

I was overwhelmed by the encouraging responses from my friends and family about my first blog!  It was nice to know that I am not alone, and that there are others who can relate to my awkwardly stubborn submissions to the Lord.  It was interesting that this experience sort of ignited something within me.  It sounds strange, but there have been a few times in my life where I've had that feeling you know, the one where you think “Ah Ha!”  It was like an internal light bulb was tightened and I was able to see things a little more clearly.  I began to think of a caged bird.  Have you ever seen a caged bird?  You know like at the zoo or in the pet store or perhaps you have a bird as a pet.  If so, please don’t be offended by what I’m about to say, but a bird was not meant to be caged.  A bird was meant to be free, a bird was meant to fly, a bird, by design, was made to extend its wings and soar! 

So today was my kiddos first day of school.  I kept having the feeling of being unprepared leading up to the day.  Those who know me well, know that being unprepared is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I took them school shopping because that’s the cultural norm of American consumerism.  You must: buy them clothes they do not need, with money you do not have, to impress friends who do not care.  So there we are at JC Penny’s looking through the picked over clothes trying to find a particular shirt that Abi, my six year old, could not live without.  I had a thought, ‘Don’t do it!’  apparently it was more than a thought cause Abi responded by saying,”Don’t do what, Mom?”  “Don’t grow up!” I said.  She smiled and replied, “But MOM, I have to grow up!”

A few days later, we are writing the kids names on their school supplies with a Sharpie and the thought came again.  ‘Don’t do it!’   This time I talked to Zach about it, we carried on a conversation about how quickly it seemed like our kids had grown.  I remember thinking about how nice it would be when both of them were in school all day, and how I would be able to rediscover myself.  I would have time to devote to things I’d thought I put on hold to pursue a family in the first place.  It seemed like such a far off place.  It seemed like it would take forever to reach this distant almost mystical land.  But here I was overlooking the horizon.  I was so close I could smell it.  It scared me.  I wanted to hit rewind, and go back to a simpler time, where life made sense, where adventure and curiosity were not an option.

Last night, I had the thought again, ‘Don’t do it!’ and I sighed a motherly sigh of worry as I thought of the kids first day of school.  I wondered if they would enjoy it, I wondered if they would fit in, I wondered if they would make friends.  Of course they would, right?  Surely the world can see their potential as I see it, surely the world is willing to embrace them for their pure awesomeness as their mother does.  Right?  I worried, which is exactly the opposite of what I should do but most often my first response to any given situation.  I worried about things I couldn’t fix, change or control.  I felt myself carrying this burden that was too broad for my shoulders to bear. 

Today, as we were getting ready to leave the house I had that feeling that we forgot something.  Sure enough, the Zeigarnik Effect was in full force.  As soon as we pulled into the school parking lot, I remembered what it was, lunch!  How could a parent forget their child’s lunch? Mother of the Year!  We got down from the car,  went through the first day formalities, took pictures fought back tears, the whole nine.  Zekey, walked into his classroom bold and fearless, he started working on a puzzle and waved as we walked out of the room without shedding a single tear.  Abi also sat in her desk and began coloring as though she had found her place in this world.   As we walked out of the classroom, I thought, my biggest worries were dismissed so easily this morning.  The giant issue I was so worried about turned out to be a non-issue.  Besides forgetting lunch, all my worries and concerns were nothing more than a deflated balloon.  

Sometimes we limit God’s influence in our lives by worrying.  We often become like a caged bird, we forget that we were created to soar.  We were created to fly, or rise above our worries and limitations.  I thought of how unhealthy it would be if my children still slept in a bassinet.  When we brought them home from the hospital, they slept in a bassinet next to our bed for the first two months.  They would wake up every couple of hours, like most infants do needing to be fed.  After tending to their needs, we would nestle them into their safe little secure bed until their next feeding.  Imagine how strange it would be for 4 year old, or a 6 year old to sleep in a bassinet, besides the obvious discomfort of being crammed into the little bed.  They would not be able to grow, as most of our growing happens while we are sleeping.  If they were not given room to grow, this would be detrimental to their overall health and wellbeing.  They would become like a caged bird. 

 

A few years ago, I watched the movie Rio.  It’s an animated film about a blue Macaw that was illegally captured in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil and became an American household pet.  Blue, the main character, was a bird that had been caged his whole life.  He didn’t know how to fly, and enjoyed the comfort of his own cage.  Although, he had attempted to learn to fly on his own before, he had never been “pushed out of the nest” so to speak.  He had never been challenged to attempt it, until his life depended on it.  He didn’t know his full potential until he was forced to confront it.  We all have things in our lives that hold us back from reaching our potential we disguise them in things like worry or fear of failure.  Like a caged bird, we hold on to the comfort of the known, for fear of the unknown all the while dreaming of what it would be like to soar. 

I've been told that Eagles build their nests with thorns and cushion them with feathers.  Soon after their eggs hatch, the mama Eagle begins removing feathers from the nest.   One by one, a feather is removed and the eagle begins to experience discomfort.  Eventually the nest becomes so uncomfortable that the eagle never returns, because it has outgrown the nest.  Are there areas in your life that you’ve outgrown?  Are there things that you need to let go of?  Have you been carrying a burden too broad for your shoulders?  Letting go, stepping out in Faith, and trusting in God are never comfortable steps only necessary ones for growth.  Without change growth is impossible!